Food: Is Respect on the Menu?
Food: Is Respect on the Menu?
The first in a three-part series on respect in the restaurant industry.
This is Part 1 in a series.
Read Part 2: “Second Course: Respect the Menu”
Read Part 3: “Third Course: Leaving on a High Note”
Over 30 million residents of the United States work in the food and beverage industry.
The work pays bills, buys pet food, and supports families of all ages and backgrounds. A restaurant paycheck also means vacation money and savings for millions of people who are underemployed in other sectors. With the current tipping system in place, that creates a profound appreciation for the people dining with us.
We have a very real affection for customers. We know your face, even if we can’t remember your name. You make us laugh or say something insightful or touching and you don’t even know how nice that makes us feel. Maybe you’re new in town and we can tell you our favorite places to check out. Maybe you’re on a date and you need a diversion so you can ghost. Maybe you’re coming back since a first date went well, and we get to be a part of your engagement. I promise you, some server is tearing up in the past because we’re happy for you.
Hospitality is as ancient as recorded history. However, especially in the United States, our culture and the history of service work often tilts the scales of grace and politeness out of balance. Working in food service demands being constantly polite and friendly. Reciprocity should be a given, but it’s not. Deeply embedded classism paints workers in this industry as “less than” and too often invites rudeness and messy dining experiences.
The social programming that causes many patrons to treat service workers as “less than” or “other” has to go, so I’m happy to introduce this three-part series on respect in restaurants. Recognizing the humanity in everyone you interact with is a great starting place, so I've got some tips rooted in respectfulness to make all of our dining experiences better. Stick with me and you’ll be the person that your friends look to for an example of dining out with class.
First Course: Collaborative Communication
Let’s start with communication because effective communication will cultivate a good relationship with your service person and create a better experience for all involved.
Seek to be collaborative and genuinely kind from the time you enter the restaurant or make the initial reservation. It gets your service team on your side and makes them want to help you. It lets the team know the interaction is going to be balanced, and you will work together to make a nice experience; as opposed to one where they work to make your experience nice. It’s a subtle difference, but an important one.
As the first interaction, the reservation is often more important than people realize. You can use your reservation to make special notes about your visit. It allows the restaurant staff to prepare in advance if needed. If you don’t have a reservation, use early interactions with a host or a server to communicate special needs for your visit like allergies, special events, check splitting needs or discounts.
Once you arrive, continue the conversation. If you are starving and you know your hanger is about to victimize us, let us know! We can suggest something to snack on that will arrive quickly and take the edge off. This lets you peruse the menu at a more leisurely pace, and it might help you spend less money because you’ll be less likely to over-order.
In a rush to catch a show? Let us know. Caught up in catching up and not ready to order? Let us know, and let us go. Your server is managing their time carefully - keeping them at your table when you’re not ready steals precious minutes needed to keep them on track.
Most servers should ask you about your dietary preferences and allergies, but if they forget, make that a part of earl conversation. Be clear and unashamed if you have allergy, a sensitivity, or a strong preference.
If you have an allergy and you need us to change gloves, use clean pans, or avoid frying oil that may have trace amounts of your allergen, please be very clear. Simply state your allergy and say you need cross contamination to be monitored or let us know cross contamination is not an issue. Most restaurants have a protocol for allergies just as you should have the language to explain them.
If you simply have a preference to avoid something in your diet, you can say that and your server should be able to help guide you to options that are right for you. You should be able to do any of the above without feeling silly or ashamed or having a large spotlight placed on you among in dining group. Being clear and direct is the way through.
This kind of back and forth should be central to all of your communications. If you don’t like something we’ve served, politely say so and stop eating or drinking that menu item promptly. However, be reasonable. I once had someone send back a chicken because it tasted too much like chicken. That can be handled but it’s pretty annoying and it makes you look fussy in front of whoever you’re out with.
If something seems cooked or seasoned incorrectly, or you are struggling to enjoy an unexpected flavor profile, just send it back as quickly as possible with clear feedback on what was wrong, and how you want to resolve the issue. Proactive, clear, kind communication to the rescue! If you find yourself in this situation frequently, please consider that you are perhaps being overly-critical and it’s an uncomfortable vibe to bring to your dining party on the regular. It’s giving delusions of elitism, babes.
Keep it solutions-oriented and you’ll find your experiences improved. Avoid revenge-seeking and punitive communication. If you didn’t have a great time, give some grace. Things go wrong sometimes. It happens. If it’s really upsetting, let a manager know or send an email. Blasting people and establishments in reviews is really not necessary and it hurts individual workers more than you know. There are higher roads of letting your frustrations be known, and I advise taking them if you want to be taken seriously.
Read Part 2: “Second Course: Respect the Menu”
Read Part 3: “Third Course: Leaving on a High Note”